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In a fit of partial insanity I landed on the concept of MSR and so far (30+ years) it's sticking. I am pleased with what it has become and feel reasonably confident of it's future direction. The idea of personal themes blended with music and dark abstract expressionist art in this way is appealing to me. The decision to put all my inner thoughts and emotional grief and experiences into music was a natural one for me. This decision led me down a strange and interesting path of typical and not-so-typical experiences.

In San Francisco, where I lived for 8 years, there was an atmosphere of edgy sexual tension. I tried to forget how narrow minded the rest of the country was. Growing up in the midwest (Indiana and Iowa) I knew all too well how stifled the attitudes were with regard to anything unusual or provocative, not necessarily sexual. When you live in San Francisco, at some point eventually, you tend to start thinking that the entire United States of America is just like San Francisco - open minded anything goes.

I had my own arguments with myself. I always have arguments with myself. I wrestled with the idea of not continuing to do MSR, or drastically changing it's focus away from fetish themes and imagery. Yes, I've wrestled with myself on this subject.

Emotion wins out over reason. It always does.

"a brief view into something i shouldn't see" photography by deborah jaffe - in camera art (no photoshop)

the hard hand to hold

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